I need a pity party.

I am in a boo boo mood today

I dont know why.
I just want to go back to bed and pull the covers over my head.

A hug and some love sweets.

Watch something funny today, play some music that's upbeat. Don't let the feelings get you down but if you're tired, stay in bed and rest it off.

Yeah today is that kind of day...rainy and gloomy.
Like Shelia watch a good movie but not one with a sad ending.
How's your DAd doing these days with the people coming to give his bath and take care of him . Turn on lots of light so you're not in the dark and gloomy room. Are you home alone today?

JOey has school this morning so I had a nice quiet morning.

He is home now but is leaving in a bit.

I need to just sit and read in the quiet for a while.

I have leftovers for dinner so I dont have to worry about that.

Usually a day of hibernating does the trick for me.

The care of my dad is getting to me. I cant even guess how my mom and brother feel living there. My bro really has most of the care--meals medication etc...I do other stuff like running and taking care of the finances and my mom's appts and etc.

I am so ashamed of my feelings.

He is really enjoying the baths and not hollering about them

But the seeping legs stink really bad and I can barely be around him sometimes.
The skin sloughs off and regrows --leaving chunks of dead skin behind cus he has not enough circulation to keep it alive. I am astounded he hasnt lost his toes or legs yet.

The hospice people do the butt patches now. <<phew>>
but one fell off the other day so I had to go put on another one.


I really feel like I am letting them down.

Rosie, you're not letting anyone down. You sound wore out. I know how you feel, I took care of my great grandmother when I was 17. She was bedridden, my lazy grandmother couldn't be bothered, my other aunt was a snot, and my mother didn't drive so I got volunteered to help out.

I know it's not easy. I know exactly what you do both the good and bad side. I also know there were days when God forgive me I wished she'd just pass away. She got violent at times striking anything and anyone. But I loved her. I can still smell her to this day, remember how funny she was and how much she and I were alike. It's so funny, I had a dream about her recently. A good dream.

It was hard. My poor aunt that did most of the work was grateful for having help.

The day she passed away I heard my aunt say finally. I never thought it was a bad thing. It takes a lot out of someone plus your heart hurts too.

Do what you can. Do not feel guilty.

Rosie like Shelia I totally know what you're feeling. I have those feelings all the time. Caregiving is not an easy job...and being a member of the family makes it even harder to me. I get very resentful because neither of my brothers seem to give a damn about Daddy or us for that matter...Out of sight out of mind seems to be their way of dealing with things.
About the smell of your Daddy I know that too...the other week when Daddy had that infection I couldn't stand to be around him because he did stink. Thing is he couldn't smell it ...he has said ever since he got here that he can't smell .
Do not beat yourself up over the way you feel...it's better to tell us about it than keep it inside and then just blow...You gotta think about your well being too.

Here ya go Rosie. The first laugh is on me

Hang in there darlin, hope you are doing better today!!!!

Have a nice day Rosie.

Rosie, I hope you're feeling better today. You have NOTHING to feel bad about with the care of your dad...I am so amazed that you have the energy to do what you do. And Mable too. It's tough, it's tiring, it's sad that you think you have something to feel guilty for. I only hope I can be as considerate as the 2 of you if my turn comes to be a caretaker to my parents.

Rosie and Mable - I am awed by the things you are doing to take care of your dads. It's gotta be difficult.

Don't ever feel bad about your feelings. It's hard enough to take care of yourselves, let alone another person who used to take care of you when you were little.

I don't know that I could do what you do.

thanks you all
I took a needed "stay in my room" weekend. I didnt even get out of my pajamas today.
I feel a bit better

I also just realized that my hormone ring is due to be replaced (it is good for 3 mos) and I wonder if that is part of the reason I am so "out there"

I think the main reason tho is how I am feeling about my dad and all that

I guess it really is normal to have feelings of resentment and feeling that sometimes I wish the Lord would take him so he wont have to suffer anymore.


One day at a time, I guess.

Yes sweets, one day at a time.

Rosie wrote:

thanks you all
I took a needed "stay in my room" weekend. I didnt even get out of my pajamas today.
I feel a bit better

I also just realized that my hormone ring is due to be replaced (it is good for 3 mos) and I wonder if that is part of the reason I am so "out there"

I think the main reason tho is how I am feeling about my dad and all that

I guess it really is normal to have feelings of resentment and feeling that sometimes I wish the Lord would take him so he wont have to suffer anymore.


One day at a time, I guess.

I'm glad you had a weekend in your jammies. Those are needed sometimes.

I feel that way about my brother. The state spent a gazillion dollars to save his life for what exactly? To live out the rest of his life in a nursing home with ever increasing medical problems?

When my dad was in the hospital and dying I was devastated that he died but it didn't take me long to realize that it was his time to go because he would have had a miserable and pain-filled life if he had lived. Same with my mom. In fact, it's the same thing with Ron if he is really that ill.

Em: AGREED.

thank God for you guys!


I luvs ya all so much!! <<group hug>>